The Crisis Around this Age, 30
The experiences, challenges and what to know before this age of great expectations comes.
Turning 30 can be dramatic but yet epic. It is highly anticipated, but when you approach that age and it appears the target you earlier set is so far from the reality, it becomes daunting. There is just a slight change in appearance from 20 to 30, but that ten years' experience in-between cannot be measured or acquired casually.
The age 30 is a phase in the early adulthood and it is very critical.
I am close to the age 30, and I am experiencing some personal crises which a lot of it is because of the time that has gone in my eyes, and my reality is a discrepancy of what I thought and planned, before I get to that sensitive age. Most of the experiences that are shared in this post would be because of some conversation I have had with my older friends before now and my situation as well.
There may be so many things expected of you to have achieved before you get to 30, but the truth remains, there is no general rule of thumb to what they should be in particular.
Basically, in Sub-Saharan Africa which would be my major experience reference center with Nigeria as a pivotal reference, there are some things that are expected that you should have achieved before you have reached this age, which really doesn’t have to do with knowledge, experience and expertise. It is more of an obvious standard of life and some things that would be acclaimed as visible success.
Sometimes, most of these ‘so called’ successes are gender stereotyped.
As a woman, they expect you should have graduated from a higher institution of learning if you continued in the line of education, gotten married already and probably have some kids and also secure a good-paying job. But the society doesn’t really bother about the job you have before or at 30, as they would bother if you are still single. Another of such an expectation is for you to cater for your siblings and parents, most especially if you find yourself among the first children of the family or probably the first daughter. Everyone wants to get something from an elder sister.
Being a man at 30, they expect it you should have graduated from a higher institution, have a decent job or business, live in a pleasant apartment with a good car, probably. Take good care of your parents if they are still alive and also your siblings, whether you are the eldest or the young. Everyone is looking up to you. If not married, should plan to.
Getting to 30, without something to show for the years you have lived, can be seen as a curse in my part of the world, and there would be a need for a series of prayers and family meetings to know if you are really okay.
You lose your social relevance and network gradually if your life has nothing to prove or show when the age is around the corner or had eventually arrived to an extent that when a reunion of cliques or hangouts are organized, no one wants to call you as you would be perceived as a potential liability.
Nobody cares about the process you are going through, whether or not you are on the right path. Whether or not you have a dream, everyone is interested in your being relatively financially stable and doing well by 30. With that, they can call you successful.
These expectations are not just because of the personal goals you have set for yourself, but also the expectations from your parents and the society as well. And the crises that occur at or before 30 are or both family and society induced.
Family
“While growing up, our parents trained us and sent us to school so that when we are done from school, we can train them and our younger sibling(s) as well.”
So from time, we have been wired to know that we owe our family a lot and you need to step-up as soon as you graduate from a higher institution of learning.
No matter how challenging to secure admission was after you left secondary school, it is most obtainable you should have finished with your first academic phase as the basic system states that a higher institution should be four years aside for professional courses like Pharmacy, Medical courses, Engineering and so on.
That would not be there (our parents) fault, as they go through a lot to see us through the system of education that is not readily affordable and void of any public or private support.
The people who seem not to owe the family that much might be those who went learn a trade. But their expectation countdown begins once they start up their businesses.
Society
The dangerous thing the society does is to judge and compare you to the people you started with whom they feel are doing well off than you are.
They forget that all they generally address the grasses in the bush as a forest, but they have their hierarchy and specie which makes them not to contend among themselves.
It is possible to be birthed-mates, age-mates, come from the same family, but not capacity mates, specialty or interest mates.
Rather than a push, giving so many ears to what everybody has to say about you would leave you mentally frustrated, allowing depression to set in.
That’s the toxic attack released from the society to the people at 30 or on the fast lane to it. Too many expectations that are very dangerous to manage if one does not take caution.
There are mammoth of expectations to be met before 30, which help would be had to come from anywhere, whether the government or angel donors. The possible headway is coming from a stable financial background or an asset that can be sold to give you a boost.
In most cases, an asset is hardly sold by families to support the females, their climax of success is judged when the person marries, and then she could be her husband’s responsibility.
While everything may have appeared defeating and like there is no headway through, there are some mistakes and personal crises I have seen people make around me before they are 30.
· Wait — To wait and develop a skill or build a business is not bad, it all depends on whether what you are waiting for is physically and workable. They keep waiting for a miracle or hoping for a good-paying job. Probably because they have a background from school that prepares them to be gainfully employed in a good-paying firm.
They limit and judge their capacities by academic grades alone, and before they have realized age is no longer on their side.
“Sometimes the opportunity we are waiting for does not come to us, we just have to go out there and create one”
· Poor saving culture — Most people before 30 with the conversation I have had have seen an opportunity to be financially stable and free. Habits like excessive expenses on drinking, hangouts, taking responsibility beyond their capacity, spending the income as it comes and wrong investment choice(s) have made them look like they never started.
Often, they think they know the technique they used earlier and once they apply same, they would get the same result. Before they discover that their imagination is far from reality, they are already broke.
· Poor planning — Before the 30 benchmark, the ages in-between is like the ages of exploits and trials. Most times, before the age of 30, people within that age category do many exploits and trials, both the venture that is worth it and the one that is unnecessary.
This is because of not planning or having a poor planning habit to know which activities/tasks should take much attention and time. Within the period of trial, it catches them up in pressure.
· Wrong eating habit — I am not an authority in medical science, but I know that there are no impending health challenges by 30 that your immune cannot fight or resist against if the system has not been weakened by prevalent diseases or hereditary factors.
Most people eat and drink indiscriminately, no self discipline towards appetite. Glasses of alcohol are gulped and many fatty foods consumed. Even if it doesn’t have a downturn effect in 30, subsequently it will.
Because of this poor habit some persons lose their physical shape and mental alertness, because, “you are what you eat”.
· Poor or no orientation — Most young people approaching 30 are ignorant or not coachable. I asked my friend while we were leaving the university whether he would get a career mentor, and his reply baffled me even until now that I write.
Most times, the young would answer everything only by searching up a few keywords on Google, but that does not determine good investment plans or a wholly proper guide. Having a 5-hour conversation with Elon Musk, Bill Gates, Aliko Dangote or Jeff Bezos should give you a good investment direction than the hours bent on surfing the net for the same purpose.
Orientation problem is a limitation problem which I have discovered among young people before this age.
· Thinking big, then it must start big — It is good to have big dreams and always imagine but no matter how big that dream is, break it down and start from where you can.
Breaking down their plans to an achievable task is a challenge I have seen among people growing to 30, affected by the show off and fancy life of the social media, judging life from the pictures of the media. This made almost everyone approaching 30 to want an already-made success story without labour.
Thinking big is connected to working hard, and if that push and labour is not attached, it would only become beautiful pictures in the mind.
While it is good that some few challenges that lead to self-limitation among young people that could cause a crisis for them at one point or another have been noted, it would be better I share some few things which I have learned firsthand which people who are above 30 now had wished someone told them earlier. You can call it principles if you live by it daily, then you wouldn’t be termed wrong.
· Define your personal objective(s)
“When the purpose of a thing is not known, abuse is inevitable” — Myles Munroe
Before you finish from secondary school, be able to grasp your direction in life.
Study yourself, know your strength and master your weaknesses. This would help you in setting an individual goal oriented objectives.
The personal objective should define your line of career, you do’s and Don’ts, which priority should take your time more and less and also eating habits.
You don’t want to try everything before you have gotten it right.
· Invest in yourself
It is good to have an academic certification before the age of 30, but it is great to become a master of your profession or any other skill you deem interesting to gain. Do it repeatedly for a long while — time investment.
Take the time and money to gain a skill, understand all the rudiments, and be known for it — monetary investment.
There is so much energy willing to be expressed and explored in the early adulthood, but a timely investment in you to become a master at something before 30, is worth to be called ‘Sapphire’.
· Learn the act of negotiation
Your skills, talents and prowess are not just there to make you happy. It is something that should be monetized to pay your bills.
“You might be very good at what you know how to do, but a terrible negotiation habit would make you lose both potential and old customers and probably investors.”
Master negotiation and grow that customer-client based relationship. I first read “How to Win Friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnegie when I was 16, but this line sank so deep if whenever I am trying to win someone to me, it rings this way,
“The best way to win an argument is never to start it.” — Dale Carnegie (paraphrased)
There are three benefits good negotiation skill can do you leverage on.
It can help you grow loyal customer or influential base populace. The other two benefits can negotiate and grow with other people’s money (OPM) or other people’s knowledge (OPK) and negotiating a mutual partnership when you don’t have all the funds.
· Be dynamic and innovative
While the teaming young Nigerians are looking up to a good-paying job from the government, we attribute which reason to high job security. Sometimes, the wait is just like ‘mission impossible’. Such opportunity isn’t forthcoming, yet time passes by the day.
You need to look around and know what you can leverage on and change your financial status.
Be dynamic in thoughts and actions, leverage on a lack or lapse and become innovate around it; whether it is an existing idea or a new one, innovation just makes it new and yours.
Break free from “X” is just all I know, so it must be “X” I should do, truth is, every day you wake up, an opportunity is facing you and waiting for you to grab it.
· Be consistent
Anything that starts paying your bills and meeting your immediate daily needs, be consistent with it.
Most people quit before their pay day. It might be yet an unrefined skill or a small business or a job. Be consistent, master it, and with time you would see yourself excel in it.
Don’t be too quick to start today and grow bigger as you imagined. Becoming big in a short while can be possible, but it does not always happen.
Grow in and with it.
· Save to invest
When you get contracts often or make money on a daily basis, don’t always think it would always be so. Develop the habit of saving more rather than spending. Your savings are sort of insurance to always fall back on in the days of drought.
“It is not just a good habit to save, money is meant to travel and invite more monies. Let your savings be geared towards investment.”
It is often said that you secure your future through savings, but I think your future is safer in your investments. Investing could be risky, but the risk is like waking up every day without knowing what the next minute would be, yet you make it through.
Save to invest!
· Be open for mistakes and take correction
Some persons are just comfortable to move with what happens or whichever thing that comes, therefore, they cannot make attempts or take calculated risks because of the fear of failing.
Let it be known you tried at something rather than living a dormant and boring life. Make mistakes and learn.
Why some people cannot be financially successful before they are 30 is that the ego may be so high to accept corrections. Be broken and learn.
· Get a mentor and be coachable
Get a mentor that had gone the direction you are intending to go. One thing I always tell anyone who seeks my opinion and what I am going to share in this post is for you to get as many mentors in these different aspects of life that interests you which are ahead of you there.
It is one thing to get a mentor, but yet another to trust the person enough to execute the tasks and assignments he/she would give you from time to time.
You need to understand that no one would like to mentor anyone who would not be productive, myself inclusive. You must trust your mentor enough to refine your choices and decisions through his/her little inputs.
Warning: Your mentor is not your friend.
· Leave excuses
At age 18, a feeling of freedom and liberty comes as it is the age of independence and self-responsibility. Yet another thing that comes with this age is imaginations and fantasies and probably target set for before 30.
But there is usually something that fails to happen from 18 to almost 24, there are often good intentions without actions, the thought of 30 is presumed far yet what I don’t do today can be done tomorrow.
Before one realizes that what made the difference from their present age to 30 are just the clock ticking and they're sleeping and waking up.
Sometimes people nurture their limitations and try to blame a system that has refused to favour them as their reason for lagging.
They keep on blaming and having their years increasing.
We should defeat the habit of excuse, just try to understand what those whom it works out for gradually do that you are not.
No excuses!
· Identify with passion-like community or team(s)
“If you want to go quickly, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.” — African Proverbs
No one is an island of knowledge, it would be great to identify with communities on social media or identify with close teams of friends or associates who have the same progress interest, ask questions, exchange ideas and grow.
This would help you not to burn out of your dreams and goals.
· Don’t give up
It would be worthy of note that the journey to actualizing your dreams and manifesting your potentials before 30 wouldn’t be an easy ride.
A lot would challenge what you believe in and where you are headed for. Breaking and pulling apart are parts of your making story.
Never dare to give up, nor quit. Keep riding the bumpy ride till the tides settle to your success story.
I hope this post would help you think deeper and question yourself more if you have been living in excuses all this while. The external challenges are nothing compared to self-imposed limitations.
The age 30, is a number, but yet means more for different people at different places and the reference is notable in the environment I am coming from.
I hope this personal knowledge and experience would give you a hitch-free journey to that great age.
I love you and wish you the very best.
