The Right Approach Towards The Wrong Things People Say About You
People’s conclusion vs what you decide to accept
I made this post two years ago on Facebook and today it was brought as a reminder then I felt it should be a story for medium. As of then, the write-up was addressing an issue that is almost peculiar to what I am also trying to manage now. Likely it will address the concern, of “how you can handle the way people behave towards you.”
And my line of thought would go this way.
In a world of over 6 billion people where the vast populace is battling to raise their heads up and be recognized, not just as a number but with relevance and identity.
This leaves most people with an identity problem. While some others ask, “Who am I?” Others on the other end demand with a question, “Do you know who I am?”
All streamlines to finding your identity or better still, your worth. Are you the person who needs to mirror yourself from the eyes of what people say? Or do you understand yourself so well that you have worked towards getting better?
These are questions you can answer all alone by yourself.
Love, care, and attention are tools kneaded in a trough that eulogizes your optimum best and strength.
What happens when where this spice of grace is expected to come from becomes savoured in a vinegar-coated candy? And the people who should raise your hands and tell you to keep it up are the ones now screaming, “Crucify him! Crucify him!!”
To worsen the emotional challenge, those voices are not foreign because they are from your own household. Those whom you’ve shared all with without the reservation of anything.
People would judge you for your actions, but a few seeks to know the intent behind them.
It is even more daunting how people who have inspired you suddenly turn around and call you many names and treat you like you are just another thing they trampled upon.
If you are an attention seeker (probably like me who needs to be praised from time to time) and need people’s encouragement or admonition to step further, well, I would say it is a beautiful desire. Who wouldn’t like an accolade? But the reality of what you’ve gotten yourself into is like, ‘running lines of program codes with many bugs’. You can never get the required result.
Should your strength wane because many people who suddenly became interested in your issues conclude that you have come to an end of it all? ‘No’. Should your dreams die? ‘Never!’
Should you despise yourself because they think you are wrong and made a mistake? ‘That too is out in the options.’
You may be an excellent motivational speaker. An epitome of encouragement or the one with the word for every situation. People may also tag you ‘strong’, but the reality of your strength lies in how you survive the ‘family war (here I also mean friends that have crossed being just friends)’. It is really hard to deal with as these are people who you started listening to before you even had your own choice.
I am growing to that level where I am learning not to take everything everyone tells me or thinks about me to bother me. I was overly obsessed with people thinking I am bad. And I fought to be seen as a good person to the extent that when I should have said ‘NO’ for an answer I couldn’t because I didn’t want to be seen as a bad or difficult person. I never knew that I wasn’t kind to myself in that manner.
One of the quotes from the book ‘Dream Achievers’ by Anthony and Erik Masi said something like, ‘You have to be bad before you are good…’ And that really summarizes it all for me.
When I think about that quote, I always remember a construction site, especially one that is at a foundation level. I am one person who has zero experience in building technology and I often find a building site as one of the most confusing places to visit until when the structures take shape. Often for me, construction sites aren’t worthy sights to behold. But the finished work doesn’t tell the detail about the process — because it comes out beautiful.
I try to be me, once my conscience does not prick me or what I am doing is not hurting the next person, or I have proven that what I wish to do or the way I choose to behave is not morally or societally wrong, I’ll just do it. So long as I am comfortable. And as a believer, I also weigh my actions in the light of what God would be happy that I am doing.
Your being good/bad to some people is their perception of life and not the reality. People judge you based on their backgrounds, what they’ve been through, or probably what they’ve been told about you. But more worrisome they will conclude on you from what they feel you should be.
And they are all right from how they want to see it. But I have seen something one condemned another praised it as a rare virtue.
You trying to find yourself in the opinion of others and not what the scripture said in 2 Cor 3: 18 “But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as by the Spirit of the Lord. NKJV” is a quick suicide mission. Do you know why? One day you would search for those praises in the mouth of those people it once came from, but you would never find it, and worse of it would be when they tag you with many allegations.
Well, I have just resolved to be me. And I will also tell you to be you and do you — there is nothing wrong with you.
However, to keep yourself in check of some excesses you need to define who you are, understand the motive behind what you decide to do, and also know what God desires you do at the moment. With all these clearly stated by you, all other people’s opinions will be inconsequential.
Most importantly, do not stick with those who tolerate you, find those who celebrate you. It is going to give you a sense of mental balance.
